THE ULTIMATE T-SHIRT was born to a wanting world. The world shall want no more.
Research & Development
|THE ULTIMATE T-SHIRT was developed over the course of several decades by a team of scientists sequestered at a secret location in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Research centered around the creation of what was termed an “uber-garment”. The medium of an undershirt was determined from near the project’s start but this completed only half the equation. An exhaustive search for an image to embolden the garment was undertaken. The breadth of images created throughout the whole of human history were painstakingly tested before a suitable candidate was determined. Chosen for its irresistible, almost narcotic effect and ability to impart a feeling of self-worth and well-being on the wearer, this “uber-image” was applied and final testing was completed, garment and image inexorably combining to become THE ULTIMATE T-SHIRT.|
1. Completely pervious to water.
2. Holds the shape of a human torso while in use.
3. Never to be confused with inferior garments.
4. Great with toast and eggs.
5. Will never ever not wear out with use. Ever.
6. Repels Xenomorphs – guaranteed.
7. Can be worn both indoors and out.
8. Will never rust.
9. Provides a feeling of genuine self-satisfaction.
10. It is THE ULTIMATE T-SHIRT
10 Examples Of It’s Power
It is assumed* that if available at the time, THE ULTIMATE T-SHIRT would have prevented the following:
1. The outbreak of the Black Plague throughout Western Europe in 1347
2. The assassination of President Abraham Lincoln in 1865
3. The events leading up to the start of World War I in 1914
4. The disappearance of Amelia Earhart in 1937
5. The cancellation of Star Trek by NBC in 1969
6. The breakup of The Beatles in 1970
7. The malfunctions resulting in the abortive moon-landing mission of Apollo 13 in 1970
8. The 1980’s
9. The “Macarena” in 1996
10. The election of George W. Bush in 2000, though surprisingly not his reelection in 2004
|*This is based on the
hypothesis that if we presume the existence of
alternate timelines where THE ULTIMATE T-SHIRT exists prior to its
creation in our own, we can also assume that there may exist many other
differences in these timelines such as: the sun revolving around the
earth; dogs and cats holding a majority of seats in the United States
Congress; According To Jim
progressing no further than a pilot episode;
fish breathing in open air, people breathing under water, and plants breathing fish.
You heard me.
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